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  1. DovahNiik

    Bloomin' Hell.

    I'm backkkkk! I've just had my first summer holidays with a threenager. My husband said at the beginning, "Enjoy it, it'll be your last one at home with her!" (Part-time work is now on the horizon now madam is older. *cheers*) I'll admit, I got excited about this at first thinking of all the wonderful free things I can do while she skips happily alongside me like a miniature me - and yes for a while that happened, but then the boredom kicked in. After week 2 the daily bug hunts (insects, not xenos) became boring and she stopped wanting to walk Bear in the sunshine (mostly due to the fact Bear got attacked by a dog right in front of her *cry*) and became entirely unenthusiastic about everything I suggested. Also, if you think you can list free things daily to keep a child amused for nearly 7 weeks, you are MISTAKEN. It's not that simple. Toddlers do not want your shit and they don't have time for your shit. I spent more money on little trips out than Charlie Sheen did on nose candy, I can tell you that. But anyway, she's back in nursery and of course the transitional period is INTENSE at the moment. Within the first week she's also caught a cold and we've already had a stomach bug so yeah, definitely something to think about if you're expecting a child. BUY DETTOL SPRAY IN WHOLESALE AMOUNTS. The first day of nursery was interesting though, I finally got to see my other bleary-eyed parents at the school gates to unload our traumatic events onto each other. It's so good to be able to ramble to you poor people like this, the cat and dog are so sick of hearing my life stories. Anyway, I'm back! I'm filming the Alien: Isolation videos again shortly and going to look for inspiration for my Tank Girl cosplay coming up soon. How was the summer holidays for you guys? Please wax lyrically at me about your holidays if anyone had them, especially adult holidays with lots of booze. Let me live through you! Nyx
  2. I said I'd do a video about making my props and I've just uploaded a short one, with some details on what you'll need if you're going to do this at home. It's actually a lot more simple and fun that it first seems! Have anything else to add or any more tips? Add them below or to my Youtube channel! Have a good week everyone! NX
  3. Recently I've started a huge venture for me online, doing Youtube videos or streams and cosplays etc. and I've just started earning a little money from doing it from my Patreon account. You'd think this would give me a huge confidence boost, right? Wrong. As soon as the first pledges came through and people actually wanted to pay a little to see some of the extras in the shoots and VLOGs etc I tried to quit. I messaged Ben that I was going to take the sites down. He was a bit confused but reminded me that I've done this before with my book and then alter with my streams. As soon as things start to get good, I throw it all away. So I sat down and tried to understand why I would get this huge PANIC to just close down every social media account I have and live forever in my house under my fluffy blanket, eating cheese and drinking Lara's Ribena cartons. Then it hit me: I feel like a fraud. I don't feel like I'm good enough at any of the things that I do to earn anything from them. I don't feel like people should have had to pay for my book that took a year to write, or to see any of the hours and hours of work I did on my clay modelling, photo restorations or my cosplays or my Twitch streams or my Youtube videos. I don't feel worthy enough. That's why I quit my Twitch really, it wasn't time. That was an excuse. Once I got Affliate status and people could pay I quit because I didn't feel it was worth anything. That's why I took my book off Amazon once it got to 3000 downloads and it's why I always sabotage everything that I do. In case I disappoint someone from it. I'm fine with other people's work, but when it comes to my own, I am my worst damn critic. With great hair. Can't even begin to recall just how many things I've stopped myself from doing because I don't feel like I deserve that kind of happiness. Even as a young girl I could never imagine having a life past my teen years, not in a suicidal way in the slightest but when I looked forward it was always black, I didn't feel like I deserved one. Ha. Like I would just cease to exist after that point! it's only recently that I've been able to decode my own brain like this. No bloody wonder I've got anxiety now. The hardest part of figuring this out was then realising that the only way to stop it would be to face it head on, keep everything I'm doing and push through. I've had a really long fortnight of anxiety as people begin to up their pledges or message me and tell me they love my cosplays, photos or videos and I've had to stop myself from legging it and becoming a hermit with one of those Gandalf hats and a long pipe with nothing in it because I don't smoke. I've never sweated so much in my life and I workout 4 times a week. My stomach is now a mess and I'm off to the doctors to deal with neck tension and tinnitus because given how high my anxiety has been, it's all come back with vengeance! I'm assuming this can be quite common amongst others with depression or anxiety and if you've dealt with this and carried on then fucking well done, it really isn't easy! I gave up creating things before I even started my adult life because of it. So I've got a few years of catch up to do now, ignoring that annoying little bastard in my head and just going for it. So if you see me around, be kind. I'm broken. Have a great week, guys. NX
  4. DovahNiik

    Tomb Raider Cosplay!

    Recently done my Square Enix Lara Croft shoot with Ben and I'm pretty happy with how it turned out. The hardest part was getting a mud coating that stuck on! Compost doesn't really want to stay on solid and it was a dry day so there wasn't any wet mud to borrow from nature. In the end we had to smother me in coffee grounds and mixed with sweat this created a pretty weird aroma for me all day. I can't say it was either pleasant or unpleasant but that, mixed with the costume, really did get the people sat in McDonald's staring when we went for lunch! Here's one from the set! (I can't upload them all because of file sizes but they're all on my Insta. ^_^) My next project is Ellen Ripley in Aliens, so I've order a NERF gun to try and mod into a pulse rifle. I'll let you know how that goes! XD NX
  5. Youtube is now connected via magical pixies from the woodlands to my Ember account! Awesome stuff. Saves me a right job. 😄

  6. Looking good here. 😄

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. DovahNiik

      DovahNiik

      I can't see the 'find me here' bit in About to post my social links. Am I blind? xD 

    3. WolvesEthereal

      WolvesEthereal

      Nope i think you just found me a bug! thank you! will get this fixed!

    4. DovahNiik

      DovahNiik

      Yaaaay! I did a thing! 😄 

  7. Streaming at 8pm! Loving Colonial Marines again 😄TWITCH

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