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Diary of a DragonBorn



Well, it's not really is it but the title draws in the eye. 

I've not been around for a while due to the inconvenience of life but since we're all stuck at home I thought it was the perfect time to write an entry. There's quite a lot of shit going on it the world at the moment with COVID 19 and if nothing else, it makes for surreal writing. 

It's odd to scroll back down my feed to posts before the virus since now we're on lock-down the most interesting thing that has happened is that my cat has been using my planter as a litter tray for the past 2 weeks. Oh yeah, Lara climbed onto the bathroom sink and weed in it the other day too, so yeah, there's that.  

Being at home and running out of toilet paper is one detail of an outbreak that I never expected and definitely didn't think to write in any of my end-of-times stories but from now on that'll be the first thing I add, thanks to those weirdos that have panic-bought it all. I'm still not sure why, there's not a single thing about diarrhoea anywhere on the NHS website regarding any coronavirus so IDK where that started. 

Another devastating blow to life is that I can't get my hands on a Big Tasty Meal since MacDonald's decided very wrongly that they weren't important and closed their stores. I've never been so heartbroken in my life and it will take me a long time to recover. If anyone knows what that wonderful sauce on the Big Tasty is called, please let me know, make a bitchy old lady's day. 

Lara is becoming increasingly difficult to entertain, she is only interested in the homework she was given for ten minutes and then sneaks away with her pencil to draw murals on the walls and doors and for some reason - underneath her mattress. Maybe one day they'll find her art the same way that we found the paintings on the inside of caves by early man. That's what I'm telling myself anyway, gotta look at the positives. 

Another positive is that I have not yet run out of cheese. As long as there is cheese, there is hope. None of the people in my house have found the 16 blocks I've stashed under my bed and for now I have blamed the smell emanating from under there on my feet. Times are tough so we have to improvise. 

I hope this random load of incoherent sentences finds you all well and that you are able to wipe your bottoms for the foreseeable future. To those of you with children - I feel your pains, my friends and yes, my child won't keep her trousers on either. 😕 






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