Change sucks, pure and simple. It just sucks. Change makes you leave your comfort zone, and take a wild ride of self-questioning, guilt, pain, and eventually a leveling out. I'm going on one of those changes currently. There's so much I hate myself for, and I've only begun. The one thing I need to do is apologize to my demon. I know now that what he was doing was waking me, showing me that I can't handle things alone. Just like everyone else in my life, I pushed him away, because I was fake tough. Only now, at the age of 38, and I realizing just how fake tough I was. Yes, there are things I can't handle on my own, and never should have tried. Instead, I made a mess of my life, and I'm here where I am now.
I know, I'm rambling. However, this is where my brain is right now. This is why I have disappeared for a while. I want my life back. I want to be happy again.