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Diary of a DragonBorn

Diary of a DragonBorn

Entries in this Writers Block


The End is Nigh

Well, it's not really is it but the title draws in the eye. 

I've not been around for a while due to the inconvenience of life but since we're all stuck at home I thought it was the perfect time to write an entry. There's quite a lot of shit going on it the world at the moment with COVID 19 and if nothing else, it makes for surreal writing. 

It's odd to scroll back down my feed to posts before the virus since now we're on lock-down the most interesting thing that has happened is that my cat has been using my planter as a litter tray for the past 2 weeks. Oh yeah, Lara climbed onto the bathroom sink and weed in it the other day too, so yeah, there's that.  

Being at home and running out of toilet paper is one detail of an outbreak that I never expected and definitely didn't think to write in any of my end-of-times stories but from now on that'll be the first thing I add, thanks to those weirdos that have panic-bought it all. I'm still not sure why, there's not a single thing about diarrhoea anywhere on the NHS website regarding any coronavirus so IDK where that started. 

Another devastating blow to life is that I can't get my hands on a Big Tasty Meal since MacDonald's decided very wrongly that they weren't important and closed their stores. I've never been so heartbroken in my life and it will take me a long time to recover. If anyone knows what that wonderful sauce on the Big Tasty is called, please let me know, make a bitchy old lady's day. 

Lara is becoming increasingly difficult to entertain, she is only interested in the homework she was given for ten minutes and then sneaks away with her pencil to draw murals on the walls and doors and for some reason - underneath her mattress. Maybe one day they'll find her art the same way that we found the paintings on the inside of caves by early man. That's what I'm telling myself anyway, gotta look at the positives. 

Another positive is that I have not yet run out of cheese. As long as there is cheese, there is hope. None of the people in my house have found the 16 blocks I've stashed under my bed and for now I have blamed the smell emanating from under there on my feet. Times are tough so we have to improvise. 

I hope this random load of incoherent sentences finds you all well and that you are able to wipe your bottoms for the foreseeable future. To those of you with children - I feel your pains, my friends and yes, my child won't keep her trousers on either. 😕 






Bloomin' Hell.

I'm backkkkk! 

I've just had my first summer holidays with a threenager. My husband said at the beginning, "Enjoy it, it'll be your last one at home with her!" (Part-time work is now on the horizon now madam is older. *cheers*) I'll admit, I got excited about this at first thinking of all the wonderful free things I can do while she skips happily alongside me like a miniature me - and yes for a while that happened, but then the boredom kicked in. After week 2 the daily bug hunts (insects, not xenos) became boring and she stopped wanting to walk Bear in the sunshine (mostly due to the fact Bear got attacked by a dog right in front of her *cry*) and became entirely unenthusiastic about everything I suggested. Also, if you think you can list free things daily to keep a child amused for nearly 7 weeks, you are MISTAKEN. It's not that simple. Toddlers do not want your shit and they don't have time for your shit. I spent more money on little trips out than Charlie Sheen did on nose candy, I can tell you that. 

But anyway, she's back in nursery and of course the transitional period is INTENSE at the moment. Within the first week she's also caught a cold and we've already had a stomach bug so yeah, definitely something to think about if you're expecting a child. BUY DETTOL SPRAY IN WHOLESALE AMOUNTS. The first day of nursery was interesting though, I finally got to see my other bleary-eyed parents at the school gates to unload our traumatic events onto each other. 

It's so good to be able to ramble to you poor people like this, the cat and dog are so sick of hearing my life stories. 


Anyway, I'm back! I'm filming the Alien: Isolation videos again shortly and going to look for inspiration for my Tank Girl cosplay coming up soon. 

How was the summer holidays for you guys? Please wax lyrically at me about your holidays if anyone had them, especially adult holidays with lots of booze. Let me live through you! 



Prop video is up and running!


I said I'd do a video about making my props and I've just uploaded a short one, with some details on what you'll need if you're going to do this at home. It's actually a lot more simple and fun that it first seems! 

Have anything else to add or any more tips? Add them below or to my Youtube channel! 

Have a good week everyone! 



Recently I've started a huge venture for me online, doing Youtube videos or streams and cosplays etc. and I've just started earning a little money from doing it from my Patreon account. You'd think this would give me a huge confidence boost, right? Wrong. As soon as the first pledges came through and people actually wanted to pay a little to see some of the extras in the shoots and VLOGs etc I tried to quit. I messaged Ben that I was going to take the sites down. He was a bit confused but reminded me that I've done this before with my book and then alter with my streams. As soon as things start to get good, I throw it all away. 

So I sat down and tried to understand why I would get this huge PANIC to just close down every social media account I have and live forever in my house under my fluffy blanket, eating cheese and drinking Lara's Ribena cartons. Then it hit me: I feel like a fraud. I don't feel like I'm good enough at any of the things that I do to earn anything from them. I don't feel like people should have had to pay for my book that took a year to write, or to see any of the hours and hours of work I did on my clay modelling, photo restorations or my cosplays or my Twitch streams or my Youtube videos. I don't feel worthy enough. That's why I quit my Twitch really, it wasn't time. That was an excuse. Once I got Affliate status and people could pay I quit because I didn't feel it was worth anything. That's why I took my book off Amazon once it got to 3000 downloads and it's why I always sabotage everything that I do. In case I disappoint someone from it. I'm fine with other people's work, but when it comes to my own, I am my worst damn critic. With great hair. 

Can't even begin to recall just how many things I've stopped myself from doing because I don't feel like I deserve that kind of happiness. Even as a young girl I could never imagine having a life past my teen years, not in a suicidal way in the slightest but when I looked forward it was always black, I didn't feel like I deserved one. Ha. Like I would just cease to exist after that point! it's only recently that I've been able to decode my own brain like this. No bloody wonder I've got anxiety now. 🙄

The hardest part of figuring this out was then realising that the only way to stop it would be to face it head on, keep everything I'm doing and push through. I've had a really long fortnight of anxiety as people begin to up their pledges or message me and tell me they love my cosplays, photos or videos and I've had to stop myself from legging it and becoming a hermit with one of those Gandalf hats and a long pipe with nothing in it because I don't smoke. I've never sweated so much in my life and I workout 4 times a week. My stomach is now a mess and I'm off to the doctors to deal with neck tension and tinnitus because given how high my anxiety has been, it's all come back with vengeance! 

I'm assuming this can be quite common amongst others with depression or anxiety and if you've dealt with this and carried on then fucking well done, it really isn't easy!  I gave up creating things before I even started my adult life because of it. So I've got a few years of catch up to do now, ignoring that annoying little bastard in my head and just going for it. So if you see me around, be kind. I'm broken. 😉

Have a great week, guys. 



Recently done my Square Enix Lara Croft shoot with Ben and I'm pretty happy with how it turned out. The hardest part was getting a mud coating that stuck on! Compost doesn't really want to stay on solid and it was a dry day so there wasn't any wet mud to borrow from nature. In the end we had to smother me in coffee grounds and mixed with sweat this created a pretty weird aroma for me all day. I can't say it was either pleasant or unpleasant but that, mixed with the costume, really did get the people sat in McDonald's staring when we went for lunch! 

Here's one from the set! (I can't upload them all because of file sizes but they're all on my Insta. ^_^) 

Even dressed as Lara, I'm confused.

My next project is Ellen Ripley in Aliens, so I've order a NERF gun to try and mod into a pulse rifle. I'll let you know how that goes! XD 



Okay, so I'm playing Tomb Raider 2 on my Youtube channel and here are the levels up to Diving Area! It's an amazingly fun game. 


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vL9e4mbHwFE Level 1 - The Great Wall

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yGszlLqVfq4 Level 2 - Venice

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bZH-XbQhRC8 Level 3 - Bartoli's Hideout

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b3tuoLS5kMQ Level 4 - Opera House

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zq_yf7QCico Level 5 - Offshore Rig 



Mental Health Awareness Week


So I've been told that it is mental health awareness week over here in the UK and it's come at the right time for me. I'm currently sat here writing this during my second day on diazepam for a flare up of my 10 year long neck issue that my doctors swear is muscle spasms caused by the tension of my overwhelming anxiety. I literally can not play bowling with my daughter or bend down to go on a slide with her a lot of days because it will cause another agonising flare up and I'll be sofa ridden for days. Purely from being so consistently tense that my muscles don't relax, they spasm. 

Then there's the stomach acid and IBS issues I've had since my preteens - again caused by anxiety - that will leave me unable to eat, drink or move if I don't get on top of the treatment quickly. All this was happening while I was telling myself that I do not need treatment for anxiety any more, I am fine. Turns out I wasn't fine - the 13 unread messages on my Facebook or the 7 on my Insta that have been there for over a week should have told me that. So, once this week on diazepam has passed, I will be returning to the doctors to discuss a long-term solution to my general level of tension, which absolutely stems from my anxious little brain. 

So, a little cautionary tale: if you are feeling shitty in any way shape or form, GO TO THE DOCTOR. I know sometimes you can be so used to feeling this way that you seem to think you're doing well when you're not, but if your physical body is crying out like mine is, chances are you could use some extra support. I guess sometimes I forget that mental illnesses affect your body just as much as your mind. 

Take care of yourselves everyone. 



Photo by Akshar Dave from Pexels

Tomb Raider 1996 playthrough!


Finally, it's all done! I finished filming my playthrough of TR1 on Youtube. Forgot how amazing this game is and it's nice to be reminded just how good this series of games is. 

PERU LEVELS: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WMQRfpA5gik

GREECE LEVELS: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2OVXvmcxzOo

EGYPT LEVELS: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jLlBxwid_Po

ATLANTIS LEVELS: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mTL051ZE2mY&list=PLPU4cQrfb3IOhqxTd-X_yoa0WNEuOVTPc

There we go! Thanks to everyone who's stopped by to play with me. I'll be back shortly to play Core Design's Tomb Raider II. 😄




That Bloody Game of Thrones. *SPOILER ALERT*


I just wanted to do a little blog entry about GOT because it's been on my mind a lot since they decided to kill off Jorah, my dearest love, and also Beric, who's also my dearest love and then also decided to kill two of the dragons. Thankfully there's still the sex, though. 

Everyone who's watching right now will probably be sharing the same thought: WHY DANI?! Why did she not only continue to fly Drogon towards Euron on the ships but also then take him to King's Landing, even if he was in the background?! Anger, that's why. She's raging right now. I've not been a very big fan of Dani for a few years, when she started to sound remarkably like Viserys with the whining and entitlement but since she stepped onto the coast of Dragonsreach she's been a lot less likeable. Everything she does seems fake and calculated and she shows little caring for any of her future charges. I suppose that's because she doesn't actually care about them, she doesn't know them and they don't know her. Her scene with Gendry made me uneasy since it pretty much encapsulated her relationship with Jon (and the rest of the North) in one scene; she needs him and his army and he's soft as a bloody brush. Now, she also needs him to shut up about the fact that he's her nephew. Sorry, Dani, the last Stark capable of keeping a secret was Ned, it seems. Unfortunately for her, the rest of the North, and their Lady, are a lot smarter than Jon right now and you can feel the distrust. Her own advisor joins them. 

Euron in this last episode was funny as ever, pretty bad-ass in fact! You really have to give it to the guy, he knows how to build a fleet! He's-uh-not great with biology though, it seems. Poor guy. He's going to be thrilled in 6 months time when his baby arrives. 😬 

Bran is still a curious character, he's getting more and more distant every day. I wonder what his character arc will be now? I doubt it's anything good. I wondered if Bran is as much of a weapon against Man as the Night King was, it's been made perfectly clear that he doesn't feel human emotions any more and he was connected to the NK. I also wonder if there can be more than one Night King like there was more than one Three-Eyed-Raven. Luckily, we won't have long to find out! 

The only other irk for me is that it feels incredibly rushed this episode. Jaime beds Brienne and then within 15 minutes of viewing, he's off again breaking her heart. Just didn't give us time to adjust to anything in this episode. I would have loved a longer running thing where we could have enjoyed the small victory celebration. It was great to see everyone together for a change. It's a shame it ended the way it did and poor Missandei deserved to be able to leave with Greyworm so they can frown at people in the sunshine forever, but that's not GOT is it? 

Lastly, I'm gonna throw some love towards Cersei, she has been an amazing villain during this entire thing. How one person can be so hateful this consistently is fantastic, she truly earned that throne for the time she had it! Talk about Ice Queen! 😂

Oh yeah and F for Respect for Gendry. Shot downnnnnn. 



Photo by Jeswin Thomas from Pexels

My First Cosplay Prop Experience


So it's done! My very first cosplay prop. 

Climbing Axe

As you can probably tell, it's Lara Croft's climbing axe from the Square Enix version of Tomb Raider. It was much needed for my future gaming conventions as Lara Croft isn't Lara without her tools. I originally thought about buying one but at £40+ each, it seemed cheaper to attempt it myself and indeed in the long run, it was! The EVA foam tiles I used for the axe itself cost £9 from B&Q and the paint I already had. I bought a bottle of PVC glue for sealant and spent a little money on a heatgun, which is used for sealing and also for bending EVA foam to make armour etc. Along with a Stanley/craft knife that I already had, some scissors, paintbrushes and sanding material, there isn't much else you need for a basic finish. If you want some decent sanding, you can do what I did and use a Dremel but if you've got a sharp enough knife, it shouldn't need half as much sanding as mine did! 

Some people will tell you to varnish it with some kind of top coat but I haven't done that as I couldn't find a definitive answer as to whether that is necessary or not with acrylic paint covering it. Then I wrapped some bandages that I got from Poundland back at Halloween around the handle (they were already blood-stained) and smothered them in tea and coffee grounds to age them. I'm pretty proud of how it turned out given that it was my very first attempt. I look forward to making more! Here's how it looked bare, before I realised I forgot to carve teeth into the handle! *facepalm*


And now I have the basic skill to add much more depth to my cosplay so it's been a lot of fun! 

Thanks for reading guys! 





Youtube Gaming Channel update!


Hey nobbers, this is my latest gaming video on Youtube. I have finally started remaking my old videos but with my new set-up and this is the first video in the series. This is Tomb Raider 1996 and the first four levels. 🙂 If you like it, thumbs up. If not, thumbs up anyway. 😉

I'm going to be playing all the TR games from start to finish over the next few months so keep an eye out if you're a Tomb Raider fan. If you want to see me play any other games, let me knowwwww! 







Cosplay props

So, since Googling cosplay props and finding out they're ridiculously expensive (£40+ for a foam pick axe for my Lara Croft cosplay D:) I have decided to actually just buy the stuff and make my own. Doing yet another professional Google I've found that you pretty much just need EVA foam (the kind that comes in floor tiles in B&Q), a heat-gun, some PVA sealant and acrylics, as well as super glue or a hot glue gun! They all fall under the price of one single prop item so it seems to be the most cost-effective route to cosplay. 

I am currently doing a Vasquez cosplay and for that I will need a huge, whack-off smart gun so that's going to be on my list, but I do think it's probably going to be best to learn with something simpler, like Lara's pick axe. From there, I will hopefully learn how to make armours so I can finally make myself a Skyrim helmet and torture my neighbours with my random Thu'um shouts over the fence. They love me, they really do. 

I was once proficient in clay moulding and made a pretty good Skyrim logo and Mehrunes Dagon's dagger, so hopefully the foam stuff should be a doddle compared to that. I'll post again soon with progress pics,

Happy Tuesday nobbers! 



What To Stream or Not To Stream?


This is my current dilemma. As a nearly entirely offline campaign gamer, I struggle to find my niche with Twitch streaming. After taking a month's hiatus to test out new games and see where I want my stream to go, I still find I'm drawn mostly to campaign games! I just can't seem to get into the battle-royale style games that are so popular these days. So this is my question: is streaming really for online games or are there people out there that like to watch us old gits play campaigns? 

It's hard. Looking at the most popular games on the Twitch browse list you will see that the vast majority are online games such as Fortnite or Apex and, while they do look fun to have a go at, I don't really think it's something that I would be happy dominating my stream with! It doesn't mean I won't try, it just means I'm trying to figure out some kind of balance between online and the games I'm really interested in. Which leads me to my next journey: finding online games that have interesting stories! I suppose Elder Scrolls Online might be a start. I am a big ES nut (hence the name) and I do have a fast enough PC now to really give it a go. I did enjoy Destiny for a while there and there's the sequel that I haven't tried yet. There's also Dead by Daylight to try, since I do like a scare. 

I suppose the other thing - a big thing for me - is that I've never really been a huge fan of the online abuse you get online. I've been told many things about my sex life and my mother's sex life during my few ventures into Apex and Fortnite (and once on Far Cry 2 where I learned that I shot like a girl but that must have been a good thing because I had the most kills *shrugs*) and it's hard to play these kind of games when you have a toddler in the room who's listening to grown men call her mother a ****er within five seconds of killing someone online. Kind of takes the fun out of it. Have learned a few Russian swear words though. So there's that. 

The downside to campaign streaming is that it is a lot quieter to stream. I tend to natter a lot and 80 percent of that seems to be swear words aimed at cassowaries and tall cliffs in-game. So, to try and battle that, I will actually, definitely, probably, surely remember to add my Discord to my streams so I can chat with my random nobbers while I get killed in many different games. If you want to join my server (if that's the right lingo) then let me know and I'll add you. 

So, here's the questions of the day: what do you guys enjoy watching on stream? What is your favourite cheese?

Thanks for reading my first Ember blog post guys, I'll be sure to ramble incoherently again soon! 


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